All of my life i have been treated different. I have been given some very strange looks, i have been bullied quite severely, i have been singled out, i have been ridiculed, i have endured more than most would ever know. My name is jack and i’m from England. I have a beautiful unique attribute which is a Giant Congenital Melanocytic Nevus. I used to let it get to me. I used to come home from primary school and cry, I used to come home from high school and dread going in the next day. No matter where i have ever been i have never been able to escape the pain of the words people said as they burrowed under my skin and into my head. It was as though i had chains around my wrists and ankles and i was carrying a huge weight with me 24/7/. A weight which progressively dragged me down, further and further into the “blissful” oblivion called self hate. I honestly hated myself, I believed every word everyone had ever told me. I believed i was “ugly” “disgusting” “a freak” . I was pretty much wanting to be anyone but myself. But hating myself felt better to me personally than anyone else hating me for something i have no control over. I was born with this condition i couldn’t help it. As a very young kid before i understood anything about anything related to my skin id try to scratch my sides, my back and my individual moles very hard when nobody was looking, i tried to pull moles off. Just so i could fit in, i thought if i could “get rid of this thing people didn’t like me for” That life would get better for me, I thought that if i didn’t have my condition I would finally be allowed to just be a happy normal kid. What sort of thoughts are they ay? what kid should ever think like that? i can tell you no kid should. Things never actually got better for me in any way as i was growing up. As i grow, It grows, It is incredibly deep in my skin and when you look at my back, there is a brown outline which goes around it onto my sides. If i’m completely honest it looks like somebody had tried to paint the outline of my back with a brush and done a really bad job of it. My back has 60% less skin than the average person thanks to an operation i had just after i was born. I have a lot of dead and dry skin on my back, i have a benign tumor which has been operated on a few times but it always seems to come back. There was also a bizarre blue pigment which formed as a dot on my back and to this day doctors don’t know why my skin turned blue. When i say blue i don’t mean frostbite blue i mean literally a dark blue. Like the Facebook Theme colour.
So why have i just gone into detail about something so personal? what is the relevance to anything?. Well i’m going to tell you. It took me a very long time to understand why i have this unique attribute. I don’t want people to feel sorry for me. I want people to be able to turn around to any negative in their life and say to that negative Sorry it doesn’t affect me like it used to. You can’t hurt me. I am me and you know what i love myself for that. I don’t want people to be looking at others through the cracks of their shell. I don’t wan’t anyone to feel how i used to feel. I have come to grip with what i am now and i have realized I’M AN AVATAR!. Its has became so obvious to me that i am an avatar. That is exactly what i am!! haha no but on a serious note, I’m just a guy who’s a bit different. Its not a bad thing, Difference in any way is an absolutely beautiful thing. Part of what makes this world so incredible is that there are no 2 people the exact same. We are all unique and personally i believe society should finally accept that. We should all learn to accept being different is divine. It is a wonderful thing. It puts the light in the night sky, the colour through the day. So don’t be ashamed of your difference. You are you and you shouldn’t want to change that. There is nobody like you on this planet. Now you cant tell me that isn’t a wonderful thought. Besides, if there is someone out there who reads this and is in the same shoes i was in. If i can love myself for everything that i am i guarantee that you can!!
if you would like to learn a bit more about CMN here is a link to my old support groups website: Caring matters now charity
And here is a picture of the painting :b gone wrong as well as a few quotes which i love!
p.s: if you have any personal stories you could like to share on my site you can contact me via my email which is ( firstname.lastname@example.org ). I will share them anonymously if that is what you want or i will leave a link to your blog, and a few of your details for people to contact you if you wish. We can discuss the ins and outs via email properly.