What I feel, is it real???

So, after all of the promises to myself, the delusions I set up within my head and many months later, I’m finally writing a post, this post isn’t anything incredibly specific, it’s just me, my thoughts and my feelings being splattered on this virtual page in the hope I can make some understanding of where I am at. Within my head, I don’t know where I am at. I don’t know if I’m happy or sad or even just neither, just maybe I’m within a purgatory inside myself and I’ve been on the cusp for so long it’s as though I’ve forgotten what it’s like, you know, to actually feel something. About the only thing I do know is I keep letting myself down. I lost my job, I’m having really bad problems with my health and one by one people are slowly drifting from me, but I just can’t understand why??. Don’t get me wrong, I get that is how life works. Life in my eyes stands for Learn-Ing For-Ever. I’m totally ok with that, but it seems to be when ever I’m at a height, I get knocked down further and further each time. It’s as though I’m being prepared for something, but I don’t know what. Anyhow if there is one thing I do know, it’s that I will get up and keep moving forward. One day, I will make it back to understanding my own mind again. One day…

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